Prom

"Designer boy went with her??"
Everyone's heads snapped around to look at the couple awkwardly gyrating on the dance floor. She was trying her hardest to be... well something she wasn't. And he just looked pained and embarrassed. My friend turned and looked at me.
"You should totally try to steal him."
"What? I came with someone."
"Yeah but you came as friends right? I mean come on- the new guy is perfect for you- he's rich, likes designer clothing, sings, is sensitive-"
"Ok ok I know I joked about him being 'perfect' for me- but I don't think that qualifies for me to steal him from his prom date. I mean he might actually like her."
The statement was met with chuckles. We all glanced back at the dance floor. He was removing her hands from him.
"Face it- the only reason he went with her is so he could get into the upper classman prom. And she probably tried to smother him in her granny vests."
"Do it! He could be your summer romance!"
"Ummm..."
I was so unsure. After all the other horribly failed relationships I had in high school, a new short term- no strings attached fling might be a nice change. I mean I was leaving for school in a few months. How bad could it be?
"So... you gonna do it?"
"Who's coming with me?"
My friends whooped and scrapped their chairs back to join me as I made my way to the dance floor. It was time for me to put on my rare mask of confidence. I didn't want to let my friends down in their fun.
We made a bee line for them and immediately he looked revealed to have some other company. It only took a couple of dances and we could tell he was hooked. He attempted to teach me salsa and his date ran off to sulk by the punch bowl. The slow dances started and my friends just melted away- patting me on the back for a job well done. As we did our awkward slow dance shuffle he started to whisper to me.
"Thank you so much for saving me. I really didn't want to go with her- but she started to throw a fit when I tried to say no."
"I figured as much."
"But I have to say- you look amazing."
"Oh thanks..."
He stopped dancing and pulled me close for emphasis.
"Look I really like you. Can we hang out more at post prom? I don't want to leave your side. And I'd love to go out with you sometime."
I looked out to the sides of the dance floor. I saw my friends smiling and winking at me. And then I saw his abandoned date with tears falling down her face with her one friend glaring at me. He followed my gaze.
"Oh. Don't worry about her. I would have ditched her soon anyway. So what do you say?"
I shut my eyes and laid my head on his shoulder and tried not to think about her mascara stained face.
"Sure. Lets do it."

One Night

I tiptoed into the back of the theater, not wanting to disrupt the meeting on stage. I settled into the front row and placed the costumes on the chair next to me. Instantly I scanned the group on stage. Our eyes met and he winked. I smiled and quickly looked away- hoping no one had noticed. I was revealed when my friend beckoned me to join her in the backstage area. It was becoming hard not to stare at him.

Of course he found me as soon as he was free.
"Hey babe. How are you doing? You look lovely."
"Um thanks. I'm alright! Finally found the rest of the outfits. Still have a bit of a paper to work on after this..."
His expression made it clear he had something to tell me.
"Ok- whats up?"
"I decided I'm going to break up with *******."
I gasped. We had talked about this. But I never thought he would ever... I mean I was leaving soon. Was he really that serious about...?
"I just can't stop thinking about you" He stepped closer "And I know its not fair to her. But I think we have a chance. When you get back- I really think we have... a future."
I didn't know what to say. It was the words I had wanted to hear from him since day one. Was I dreaming?
"You... are you sure? I mean... of course I'm happy! But are you making the right decision?"
"Yes I know I am. I want you luv. I'm going to do it tonight."
The director called for him. He pulled me into a quick hug and swaggered off. My mind was still reeling.

I woke up the next morning to a text message.
Hey babe. She was asleep when I got out so didn't call her. But maybe you're right. I should think it over some more. Love you.
Fuck that change of heart.

Cold Night

"Please tell me that's not the right time!"
He chuckled at the shocked look on my face.
"It is luv. You gonna get in trouble being out past curfew?"
"Jeeze I don't know... its almost 5 a.m.!"
I still couldn't believe how fast time would always fly with him. He had had a secret smoke, grabs some groceries, baked cookies and eaten Ben and Jerry's, watched 2 movies, talked about the past, present and future... just a normal hang out with him.
"Wanna just stay over?" His face was serious but I saw a smile play around his lips. I tickled him in punishment for the thought.
"You know how bad that would look. And ******* wouldn't be happy with that either."
"Well she wouldn't have to know. And you can have the bed. I can restrain myself."
"Like hell you can!"
He playfully pulled me off my perch on his giant yoga ball and tickled me mercilessly on the floor.
"Okay! Okay! Uncle!"
He hoovered over me. We both took a sharp breath as we realized how close we were- both of us waiting for someone to make a move of some kind. I broke first and slide out from under him and clambered away from him. We flirted with temptation far too much.
"I really should go now."
He sighed and clenched his fists.
"You should. But I don't want you too... Here- I'll walk you home dear."
I bundled up, not wanting to face the cold. I stood by the door in my own thoughts as I waited for him. He appeared in front of me.
"You're so beatuiful..."
He wrapped me up in one of his intoxicating hugs that always lingered too long. With his arms still around me I started to back toward the door, finding the door knob with my mittened hands. I pushed it open and we staggered into the cold. To my relief, he pulled his arms around me to steady himself.
"Thanks babe. I'm glad you can keep me in line."
I started down the steps as he snapped the door shut. He patted down his jacket for his gloves and started to slowly laugh.
"Oh fuck... I think I just locked myself out!"
"Oh shit... you sure?"
He started to dig more through his many pockets before shaking his head.
"No keys. Man... this is my punishment for being bad." He threw back his head and roared with laughter. "You don't have a secret past of being a cat burglar do you?"
I lightly punched him in jest.
"Do I look like a nimble thief to you? Here- try my credit card. Isn't that how they do it in the movies?"
We tried everything. Hair pins. Cards. Getting into windows. Slowly our hands and hopes grew numb. He pushed his hair back in dispair.
"Ok well I'm not sleeping there tonight... Lets get you back."
It started to snow as we walked through the empty streets. We brainstormed for a little- trying to think of places for him to go. But like normal our thoughts grew absurd. I gulped and sugguested the one thing I didn't want to do. I offered to take him to her house.
"No. No luv. I really don't want to be in that awkward situation this late."
I smiled as he looked at me with adoring eyes. I knew I was in a bad place. Thankfully we reached my door.
"Ok. I'm going to try and sneak into the theatre."
"Call if you can't get in. Promise?"
"I promise I'll call if I need anything."
He kissed my forehead and walked off into the snowy haze.

The next morning he called me, not her to take him home.

Short and Happy

We snuggled up under the stars and watched Totoro. As soon as it finished we dashed to his big space ship like sedan and sang along to The Hush Sound with the highway wind blowing in our hair.

When we pulled up to the theater, we asked for two to see Ponyo. I bought the popcorn which I found out he didn't like. More for me.

Five minutes before the credits, he mustered up the courage to put his arm around me. A grin took over my face as I leaned into his side.

On the drive home he bashfully told me he kinda really liked me. I giggled and said ditto.

It was the start of something incredible.

Closer

'Yes. Please come up.'

It was the text I was waiting for. I ran to the elevator and hit the button a thousand times, willing the elevator to come faster. The ride up felt like an eternity.

I stepped out and ran toward the door- trying to decide if I should knock or ring the bell. But why was I worrying about that? I should be more worried about what I was going to say... what did one say in this situation? Could I be strong enough for him? I tried to swallow my fears and lightly tapped on the door. The wait was painful.

He pulled the door slowly open. My heart lurched at the sight of his face. The hurt and confusion I could see in it... I never wanted to see a face like that again. Especially on him. We fell into a hug.
"I'm so sorry..."
My whispering was cut short by his grip. It was like a vice. We stayed in that-motionless for a few minutes before slowly pulling away. I searched his eyes but couldn't see the usual spark in them. I glanced into the room. His room mates were huddled close by the window, sharing a forbidden smoke and talking in hushed voices.
"You wanna talk?"
He shrugged.
"Come on."
I slipped my hand into his and led him back to his room. He flopped down on his bed in some emotional coma. I climbed next to him and wrapped my arms tight around him- wishing I could take the pain away. It was only until he turned around and burrowed closer that I felt like I was helping at all.

We stayed there wrapped in each other. Murmurings about death and why and us sometimes escaped our lips. But the silence and closeness of our bodies was comforting enough for anything else. Hours crept by. His room mate finally peeked in to ask if he could head to bed. We slowly unfurled and floated toward the door.

We carried on with that same closeness for a week or two. But the worry started to creep across his face and seep into his eyes. The worry that it was for the wrong reasons. The worry that he would hurt me. Slowly but surely he built his high walls up again... this time with no kinks in them.

The Other Girl- Take Two

He pushed the sweaty hair back from his forehead and collapsed down next to me. We both caught our breath in silence and kept our eyes fixed on the ceiling. I cautiously turned to look at him- bracing myself to see a guilty look in his eye. Instead I was met with a gaze of triumph and a twisted smile.
"You doing ok?"
I nodded and gave a feeble smile back.
"Want a smoke? Think I have a cigar left somewhere..."
He pulled his jeans over and started to rummage through his pockets.
"No. I'm good thanks."

I pulled myself across the car floor and pushed open the back hatch door of the van to let in some of the cool summer night air. I pulled my legs to my chest and looked out across the corn field at the dots of far away head lights traveling along the free way. He crawled up behind me and draped his cardigan around my shoulders- after planting a kiss on my bare shoulder.
"Mind if I do?"
He held a cigar and lighter up.
"Go ahead. Just make sure it doesn't blow back into the car. My mom would kill me."
"Oh good call... I won't then."
He tossed them back by his things and stretched to grab his phone.
"Shit. I missed a call from her. Mind if I call her back?"
I shrugged in indifference- still staring at the lights far away.

He talked to her for about ten minutes. He talked about his day, the wicked shoes he had found at the mall, the party they would go to tomorrow. I sat there- trying not to listen. But he and I were at a point where we really had nothing to hide from each other anymore. We had this odd, unspoken bond. A forced trust that came with knowing that you each could destroy each others lives in five seconds.

"Ok. I'll call you around noon tomorrow. Love you. Sleep well."
I glanced lazily over to him as he hung up the phone.
"Don't you feel weird saying that to her?"
"No. I do love her."
"Really?"
"Of course. I'm saving up for a ring. I just have to make sure she's ready and graduated before I propose or anything."
"Wait. No offense but- are you sure you really love her? I mean... look at what we have been doing for these two years."
"It's because I love her that I'm doing this. I don't want to cheat on her with anyone."
"Hate to break it to you- but you're cheating on her with me."
"No... you don't count.  I'm not running around having one night stands with strangers or anything. But this is just you. I know its not going to leave the two of us. And by doing this you're helping me stay more faithful."

He leaned over and pushed some hair behind my ears. I squirmed at his touch.

"You're fucked up."
"Maybe. But you like it."

He kissed me. I thought about pulling away, but decided against it. We were already damned.

The Other Girl

The director finished giving his notes for the night and dismissed us. I dashed down to the little corner I had set my stuff up in, and hastily began to gather it up. I needed to get out of there before he could find me. I peered through my thick curtain of hair to see if he was around-- no sight of him. Thankful, I hoisted my backpack onto my shoulder and made a bee line for the door.

I made it out into the hall and almost to the door that led outside when-
"Hey!"
I shouldn't have looked- but I did. It was him. I stopped and turned to face him as he marched toward me.
"Can I talk to you for a minute?"
I nodded. He seemed calm. Maybe she hadn't told him.
He walked toward the stairwell and opened the door, waiting for me to follow. I shuffled in behind him, slowly sliding my heavy backpack to the floor.
"What is it?"
"I think you know."
"I haven't done anything wrong..."
"Oh really? I think you were going to. I mean, why else would you ask to hang out with ***?"
"What? I can't be friends with her again?"
"What were you going to tell her?"

Nothing betrayed his anger except his face. It slowly started to turn red as his Irish temper rose.

"I wasn't going to tell her anything. I just... people have told me I need to talk to her. Compare stories."
"And why would you need to compare stories?"
"I just want to know the TRUTH!"
I clapped my hand over my month. I hadn't planned for that word to come out so strongly.
"Why does it matter anymore? You and I are over! Move on!"
"I just want to know what happened! I just want to know why it feels like my former best friend and former boyfriend are hiding something from me! Is it true what they are saying? Did you guys... did you cheat on me?"

His eyes darted around- searching for an excuse.

"What does it matter? We're broken up."
"You're right. We are over. So what does it matter if I try and talk to *** and get her side of the story? If nothing happened, there is nothing new for me to learn and you have nothing to hide. So I'm going to call her tonight and talk to my friend *** and figure out--"

He jumped toward me, grabbed my shoulders and slammed me against the wall. His face was beet red. I had gone too far.

"If you ever, EVER try to talk to her again- I will fucking kill you. I won't let you take her away from me. I need her. I will kill you."

He gave me one last push for good measure and stormed out of the stairwell. I felt my face slowly fold into a frown and hot tears poured from my eyes. As I crumpled to the ground, there was only one question in my head. Did he ever need me that much?